app/src/androidTest/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/ChatFlowTest.kt

@@ -177,6 +177,14 @@ class ChatFlowTest {
         compose.onNodeWithTag("email").performTextInput("$handle@example.invalid")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("handle").performTextInput(handle)
         compose.onNodeWithTag("passphrase").performTextInput("a-long-enough-passphrase")
+        // 🔴 **The age gate, which nothing here filled.** `submit` is
+        // `enabled = … && (!registering || birthYear.length == 4)`, so without
+        // this the button is DISABLED — and `performClick()` on a disabled node
+        // does not throw, it does nothing. Every sign-up in this suite has been
+        // silently tapping a dead button since the gate landed, and the failure
+        // surfaced two minutes later as "nav-contacts did not appear" with no
+        // error anywhere on screen.
+        compose.onNodeWithTag("birth-year").performTextInput("1990")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("submit").performClick()
         awaitTag("device-id", 120_000)
     }

app/src/androidTest/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/CrossPlatformTest.kt

@@ -68,6 +68,14 @@ class CrossPlatformTest {
         compose.onNodeWithTag("email").performTextInput("$handle@example.invalid")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("handle").performTextInput(handle)
         compose.onNodeWithTag("passphrase").performTextInput("a-long-enough-passphrase")
+        // 🔴 **The age gate, which nothing here filled.** `submit` is
+        // `enabled = … && (!registering || birthYear.length == 4)`, so without
+        // this the button is DISABLED — and `performClick()` on a disabled node
+        // does not throw, it does nothing. Every sign-up in this suite has been
+        // silently tapping a dead button since the gate landed, and the failure
+        // surfaced two minutes later as "nav-contacts did not appear" with no
+        // error anywhere on screen.
+        compose.onNodeWithTag("birth-year").performTextInput("1990")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("submit").performClick()
         awaitTag("nav-contacts", 150_000)
         android.util.Log.i("fnxplat", "ANDROID_HANDLE=$handle")

app/src/androidTest/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/CrudSurfaceTest.kt

@@ -231,6 +231,14 @@ class CrudSurfaceTest {
         compose.onNodeWithTag("email").performTextInput("$handle@example.invalid")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("handle").performTextInput(handle)
         compose.onNodeWithTag("passphrase").performTextInput("a-long-enough-passphrase")
+        // 🔴 **The age gate, which nothing here filled.** `submit` is
+        // `enabled = … && (!registering || birthYear.length == 4)`, so without
+        // this the button is DISABLED — and `performClick()` on a disabled node
+        // does not throw, it does nothing. Every sign-up in this suite has been
+        // silently tapping a dead button since the gate landed, and the failure
+        // surfaced two minutes later as "nav-contacts did not appear" with no
+        // error anywhere on screen.
+        compose.onNodeWithTag("birth-year").performTextInput("1990")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("submit").performClick()
         awaitTag("nav-contacts", 120_000)
     }

app/src/androidTest/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/FeatureUseTest.kt

@@ -230,6 +230,14 @@ class FeatureUseTest {
         compose.onNodeWithTag("email").performTextInput("$handle@example.invalid")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("handle").performTextInput(handle)
         compose.onNodeWithTag("passphrase").performTextInput("a-long-enough-passphrase")
+        // 🔴 **The age gate, which nothing here filled.** `submit` is
+        // `enabled = … && (!registering || birthYear.length == 4)`, so without
+        // this the button is DISABLED — and `performClick()` on a disabled node
+        // does not throw, it does nothing. Every sign-up in this suite has been
+        // silently tapping a dead button since the gate landed, and the failure
+        // surfaced two minutes later as "nav-contacts did not appear" with no
+        // error anywhere on screen.
+        compose.onNodeWithTag("birth-year").performTextInput("1990")
         compose.onNodeWithTag("submit").performClick()
         awaitTag("nav-contacts", 120_000)
     }

app/src/main/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/MessengerViewModel.kt

@@ -339,10 +339,23 @@ class MessengerViewModel(app: Application) : AndroidViewModel(app) {
         describeJob = viewModelScope.launch {
             kotlinx.coroutines.delay(400)
             val config = SiteConfig.from(value) ?: return@launch
-            val found = withContext(Dispatchers.IO) {
-                io.flamenet.client.RelayDiscovery.describe(config.baseUrl)
+            // ⚠️ **Bounded.** `describe` has no deadline of its own, and a
+            // host that accepts a connection and never answers would leave the
+            // sign-up form on "Checking what this server uses…" indefinitely.
+            // Fifteen seconds is far longer than any healthy relay needs.
+            val found = withTimeoutOrNull(RELAY_PROBE_TIMEOUT_MS) {
+                withContext(Dispatchers.IO) {
+                    io.flamenet.client.RelayDiscovery.describe(config.baseUrl)
+                }
             }
             if (_relayInput.value != value) return@launch
+            if (found == null) {
+                // Say so rather than leaving the spinner-in-words up. The
+                // commonest cause is an http:// address, which Android refuses
+                // outright, so the message names it.
+                _site.value = config.copy(probeFailed = true)
+                return@launch
+            }
             // copy(), not a mutation: SiteConfig is a data class and the flow
             // conflates on equality, so an in-place write is indistinguishable
             // from the value already there and never reaches the UI.
@@ -3570,6 +3583,9 @@ class MessengerViewModel(app: Application) : AndroidViewModel(app) {
          */
         private const val SIGN_IN_TIMEOUT_MS = 60_000L
 
+        /** How long to wait for a relay to describe itself before saying it did not. */
+        private const val RELAY_PROBE_TIMEOUT_MS = 15_000L
+
         /**
          * The presence chips, in order.
          *

app/src/main/kotlin/io/flamenet/messenger/app/SiteConfig.kt

@@ -29,6 +29,18 @@ data class SiteConfig(
      * it with `copy(...)`.
      */
     val discovered: io.flamenet.client.RelayDiscovery.Descriptor? = null,
+    /**
+     * The probe was made and came back with nothing.
+     *
+     * 🔴 **Without this, "still asking" and "asked and could not reach it" are
+     * the same state.** `discovered` is null in both, so a relay that never
+     * answers leaves "Checking what this server uses…" on screen forever and
+     * the form permanently unusable — no error, no retry, nothing to act on.
+     * Seen 2026-09-05 pointing the app at a plain-HTTP relay, which Android
+     * blocks outright from API 28: the request never left, and the screen said
+     * it was still thinking about it.
+     */
+    val probeFailed: Boolean = false,
 ) {
 
     enum class AccountProvider {
@@ -95,6 +107,9 @@ data class SiteConfig(
     /** What to tell the user this relay does about identity, in their words. */
     val identityDescription: String
         get() = when {
+            probeFailed ->
+                "Couldn't reach that server. Check the address — and note it has " +
+                    "to be https, not http."
             discovered == null -> "Checking what this server uses…"
             accountProvider == AccountProvider.SHARED ->
                 "One Flamenet account, shared with Flamenet Files."

scripts/instrumented.sh

@@ -0,0 +1,108 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+# Run the on-device suites against a relay you named, on an emulator with no
+# history.
+#
+# 🔴 **Two ways an instrumented run silently points at PRODUCTION, and this
+# script closes both.**
+#
+#   1. The suites DEFAULT to a live host when no relay argument is passed —
+#      `FeatureUseTest` to relay1.flamenet.io, `LiveSignUpFleetTest` to
+#      relay.flamenet.io. A plain `./gradlew connectedAndroidTest` therefore
+#      signs accounts up on somebody's real server, and nothing in the output
+#      says so.
+#   2. A SAVED EMULATOR SNAPSHOT restores whatever the AVD was last doing.
+#      Observed 2026-09-05: a snapshot signed in as `fnreviewbeta` against
+#      relay.flamenet.io, restored under a test run that had been told to use a
+#      local relay. Every one of the ten tests failed — they could not find the
+#      sign-up screen, because the app was already signed in — and the reason
+#      was invisible until the failure's screen dump was read.
+#
+# Usage: scripts/instrumented.sh 10.0.2.2:18810 [ClassName ...]
+set -euo pipefail
+
+RELAY="${1:-}"
+[ -n "$RELAY" ] || {
+  cat >&2 <<'MSG'
+usage: scripts/instrumented.sh <relay-host:port> [TestClass ...]
+
+Name the relay. There is deliberately no default: the suites have their own,
+and theirs are live servers.
+
+  10.0.2.2:18810   the host machine's local relay, as seen from the emulator
+MSG
+  exit 2
+}
+shift || true
+
+# 🔴 Production is refused, not warned about. A run that creates accounts on
+# relay.flamenet.io cannot be undone by noticing afterwards.
+#
+# ⚠️ relay1/relay2 are the TEST FLEET and are allowed — that is what they are
+# for, and the suites need https because Android blocks cleartext, so a local
+# http relay cannot serve. Loud rather than silent: accounts really are created.
+case "$RELAY" in
+  *//relay.flamenet.io*|relay.flamenet.io*)
+    echo "REFUSED: $RELAY is the PRODUCTION relay. These suites create accounts." >&2
+    echo "Use a test-fleet relay (relay1/relay2) or a local one." >&2
+    exit 1;;
+  *relay1.flamenet.io*|*relay2.flamenet.io*)
+    echo "⚠️  $RELAY is a shared test relay — this run WILL create accounts on it." >&2;;
+esac
+
+CLASSES="${*:-io.flamenet.messenger.app.FeatureUseTest,io.flamenet.messenger.app.CrudSurfaceTest,io.flamenet.messenger.app.ChatFlowTest}"
+CLASSES="${CLASSES// /,}"
+
+export ANDROID_HOME="${ANDROID_HOME:-$HOME/Library/Android/sdk}"
+export JAVA_HOME="${JAVA_HOME:-/opt/homebrew/opt/openjdk@21}"
+ADB="$ANDROID_HOME/platform-tools/adb"
+AVD="${FN_AVD:-fnmsg-android-test}"
+
+# ⚠️ `-no-snapshot-load` is the point of this block, and `-no-snapshot-save`
+# keeps the next run clean too. A warm boot is faster and carries the last
+# session's account with it.
+if ! "$ADB" shell getprop sys.boot_completed 2>/dev/null | grep -q 1; then
+  echo "### cold-booting $AVD (no snapshot)"
+  nohup "$ANDROID_HOME/emulator/emulator" -avd "$AVD" \
+    -no-snapshot-load -no-snapshot-save -no-boot-anim \
+    -netdelay none -netspeed full >/tmp/fnmsg-emu.log 2>&1 &
+  until "$ADB" shell getprop sys.boot_completed 2>/dev/null | grep -q 1; do sleep 5; done
+else
+  echo "### emulator already up — clearing the app rather than trusting it"
+  "$ADB" uninstall io.flamenet.messenger >/dev/null 2>&1 || true
+  "$ADB" uninstall io.flamenet.messenger.test >/dev/null 2>&1 || true
+fi
+
+echo "### signed-in account on the device before we start:"
+"$ADB" shell pm list packages 2>/dev/null | grep -i flamenet || echo "    (nothing installed — good)"
+
+echo "### relay $RELAY  ·  classes $CLASSES"
+set +e
+./gradlew --no-daemon :app:connectedDebugAndroidTest \
+  -Pandroid.testInstrumentationRunnerArguments.relay="$RELAY" \
+  -Pandroid.testInstrumentationRunnerArguments.class="$CLASSES" 2>&1 \
+  | tee /tmp/fnmsg-instrumented.log \
+  | grep -E "FAILED|PASSED|SKIPPED|BUILD|Finished [0-9]+ test|Tests on"
+STATUS=${PIPESTATUS[0]}
+set -e
+
+# 🔴 **A skip is not a pass.** Every one of these suites opens with
+# `assumeTrue(relayReachable())`, so an unreachable relay produces a green
+# build that exercised nothing. Say which happened.
+# ⚠️ Anchored to the TEST line, not a bare "SKIPPED". Gradle prints
+# `> Task :app:preDebugAndroidTestBuild SKIPPED` for up-to-date tasks, so the
+# loose grep reported four skipped tests on a run where none were skipped —
+# a verdict written to stop a skip reading as a pass, inventing skips instead.
+SKIPS=$(grep -cE "^io\.flamenet\..*SKIPPED" /tmp/fnmsg-instrumented.log || true)
+RAN=$(grep -oE "Finished [0-9]+ test" /tmp/fnmsg-instrumented.log | tail -1 || echo "")
+echo
+echo "### $RAN, $SKIPS skipped"
+if [ "$SKIPS" != "0" ] && [ "$STATUS" = "0" ]; then
+  echo "### VERDICT: SKIPPED — the relay was unreachable. This is NOT a pass."
+  exit 3
+elif [ "$STATUS" = "0" ]; then
+  echo "### VERDICT: PASSED on device"
+else
+  echo "### VERDICT: FAILED — see /tmp/fnmsg-instrumented.log"
+  echo "### and app/build/reports/androidTests/connected/debug/index.html"
+fi
+exit $STATUS